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Pickle Me This

January 12, 2007

Excellent. My plan is working.

Instead of just getting depressed, I’m going to start pretending to be an evil mastermind with plans toward world domination. When I’m listening to the radio and hear, for example, that whole cities were destroyed by flash floods, I will rub my hands together and said, “Eg-cellent. My plan is working.” If drug crime has run rampant throughout my neighbourhood, I will cackle with glee and exclaim, “Just as I’d expected.” 22% of Canadians are unable to read? “Finally– the pieces are coming together.” IF a mugger knocks me down in the street and steals my ipod shuffle (ha ha): “Cackle cackle, Sir,” I will say to him. “You are fulfilling your mission well.” The American President is going to win his failing war by expansion into Syria and Iran? “Ah, Mr. Bush,” I will say. “You are playing right into my hands.”

I have no expectations that this coping mechanism will result in a better world, but evil trumps lugubrious any day, and I just don’t think petitions work.

2 thoughts on “Excellent. My plan is working.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    KC–We have pretty much opposite plans to avoid depression. I like to tune out on reality (hence the fiction writing), to the extent that I do not know if any of the things on your list are true or not. If they are, oh no! &tc
    Reality, bah. And it is raining.

  2. Kerry says:

    Some are truer than others. Though I didn’t realize I was implying truth at all. The least true is my mugging, though, which never happened. Anyone who stole an ipod shuffle (though I love mine dearly) would probably apologize and hand it back to me. Besides, I don’t have white headphones. Fear not!

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