April 30, 2005

Hope you find your paradise

Well, the insomnia continued. I couldn’t sleep well past 2:00am last night and woke up at 6:30. I had this overwhelming feeling of imminent Christmas, which I both wanted and didn’t want to come. And of course the best part of insomnia is catching the cockroaches unaware! Oh yes, the little bastard was hiding from me under the edge of my kitchen sink. He was dead the minute I laid eyes on him.

So I woke up with the sun, and went downstairs and read some of “The Years”. And then I began to write a new short story, whose subject popped into my head whilst I was attempting to sleep. I went to work at the usual time, read the International Herald Tribune/Asahi Shimbun on the train as per Saturday usual, but of course nothing was the same. Mainly because I was not displaying classic bad attitude, but rather was quite happy. It was a nice day, last Wednesday was sadder. Today felt more like one quick trip back. From the students, I received presents galore! I got beautiful pearl earrings and a pearl bracelet, a book called “Miffy Says I Love You”, a Miffy picture frame, a Japanese cook book, a Miffy glass, a Miffy towel, a Miffy bath soap set and a box of cakes. Stuart also received, from the staff at his school (where I work part time), the most beautiful picture album, which will be used to display the highlights of the Japan life. Nothing was quite as brilliant as the present I got from one student though- she’s perhaps the shiest person ever, prone to running away when I meet her and blushing boldly. I decided to give her my big Doraemon stuffed animal, as he is too big (and strange) for Canada. I gave him to her, with a note tucked in his secret pocket. She gave me a four leaf clover.

I feel weird, at odds. I don’t know what to do with myself. This life is so safe and cushioned, and now away we go again. We have to of course, and we have wonderful plans but the plans becoming a reality make me anxious. Happily anxious, but still. I think it will be scary as the next months are so transitional, but learning to live like that has been good for me. I’ve got Stuart, and lovely friends to go home to. So onward and upward. Bring on the permanant vacation.