April 8, 2014
The M Word is coming to Toronto!
For more events, see The M Word Page. Festivities actually kick off in Waterloo with Carrie Snyder on April 14.
March 27, 2014
On the terror of speaking out loud
My essay in The M Word is called “Doubleness Clarifies”, and I wrote it almost two years ago during four days in July when I hid out in the rafters at the Wychwood Library while Harriet was enrolled in day camp—the first time since her birth that I’d had the luxury of a couple of hours to string together for writing. And I knew what I wanted to write about, because I’d been rehearsing the essay for years. I wrote the essay from beginning to end while listening to “Call Me Maybe” on repeat, which I don’t think you can tell from reading it, but it was essential to the creation. At the time, the book was still just an idea, and it wasn’t a sure thing that it would ever come to be. This all seems like a long time ago now, which tells you something about how long it takes to make a book. One of the most fascinating things about The M Word is the way in which its writers’ lives have changed since they wrote their essays, each piece a representation of a moment in time. That flux is the entire book’s subtext.
But it’s true that my essay had been in the works for a long time, something I desperately wanted to say, but had lacked the courage to express. Becoming a mother in 2009, as my essay demonstrates, helped me to a fuller understanding of what I wanted to write about. (See what I’m doing here? Not getting to the point. This is my point.) So I finally wrote about it, to the strains of Carly Rae. Publication theoretical, far into the future. (Hmm, is what I’m saying a lot now, maybe I didn’t think this through…)
I have practiced talking about what I’ve written about. Clues dropped here and there in blog posts (which is not “talking” per se, but it’s like talking because people are listening to what I say here.) Last spring when I was 41 weeks pregnant, Dr. Henry Morgentaler died, which gave me a meaningful occasion to finally be out with it–this was a rehearsal for the book, I knew. And the response to that post was enormous, giving me some faith that I could take my essay into the world without fear. I know I have the support of my family too, which means everything, and the contents of the essay will not be a revelation to anyone who knows me, because I’ve always been open about my experience. But this open? (Maybe I didn’t think this through…)
I write in my essay that it’s taken me a long time to say the word “abortion” out loud, not because it’s a bad word or something I’m ashamed of, but just because the word is a trigger for so many kinds of conversations that I don’t necessarily feel like having. It was a word I was afraid to own, no matter how much I was grateful for the word and its reality in shaping my adult life.If anything, it was my reticence that I was ashamed of though, the way that it was allowing others to hijack the abortion conversation, people whose motives were to restrict and undermine my autonomy, personhood and freedom. I was grateful to the book for providing another meaningful occasion for me to write about my experience of abortion and the surprising ways in which it connects to my experience of motherhood. I was compelled to tell my story also because I know it’s echoed in the experiences of so many other women who, for their own reasons, feel more comfortable keeping quiet about the whole thing.
You know, it’s not shame that keeps us quiet, that kept me quiet for more than a decade. Yes, some women regret their abortions, but that’s only because (as I write in my essay) abortion exists on a huge spectrum of experience. For me, it was barely a decision, more a reflex, but still the smartest thing I’ve ever done. For most of us though, we keep quiet because people can be cruel, showing a stunning lack of empathy and understanding. There are people for whom murder seems a fair-enough response, an eye for an eye, I suppose. Who would want to open themselves up to that? (Maybe I didn’t think this through….)
So here it is: on April 15 and on many occasions thereafter, I will be reading from “Doubleness Clarifies” in rooms full of people, in front of my dad. (See why I’m thinking about not having thought it through?) The essay, or part of it, will be published online. And I know that most people who read it or hear it read will be enlightened or else say, “Yeah, that’s exactly how it was…” because I know that most people are sensible and sane, and that even if they don’t agree with the morals of the experience, that they can understand how it was for me, which is the point of the essay after all. People are also allowed to think the whole thing is a load of tosh–a writer has to give her readers permission for that.
So maybe I didn’t think this through, but it’s going to happen anyway. And it’s terrifying. Which is where I’m at now, far away from the Wychwood Library rafters. But I’m also glad it’s going to happen, that (I hope) abortion will become a word that falls off the tongue, that this story might precede me, that maybe the narrative of abortion will begin to be shifted from polarities to something more complicated, part of life, something like how it really is.
March 22, 2014
The M Word is here!
The M Word arrived on my doorstep yesterday morning, a whole box of beautiful books. It’s all a bit overwhelming and underwhelming at the very same time, and anyone who has ever published a book probably knows exactly what I’m talking about. Though I am lucky to have the support of 24 other writers who are as excited about this book as I am, and so grateful that they’ve lent not only their talents, but their enthusiasm. I’m grateful too for the enthusiasm of Emily Schultz, Ann Douglas and Miranda Hill, who were kind enough to read the book and offer endorsements. And finally, I’m grateful for friends and family who have been looking forward to this book for a while now. If you’d like to know how to best support The M Word, I’m happy to refer you to Carrie Snyder’s Practical Guide to Selling a Book. You should be able to get the book in your hands in the next few weeks, and I do hope you really enjoy it.
March 9, 2014
The M Word in Waterloo!
Carrie Snyder will be reading from The M Word at Waterloo Indie Lit Night on April 14, along with some other fantastic authors. It’s going to be great.
February 21, 2014
“every woman will benefit from reading it.”
What a thrill to find a nice review of The M Word in the latest issue of Quill & Quire. It’s such a privilege and a pleasure to be read.
January 19, 2014
The M Word is coming.
I’m not sure when I last touched base here about The M Word: Conversations About Motherhood, which is forthcoming from Goose Lane Editions in April. I suspect that the last time I did, the book had a different title, was still more a manuscript than an actual book. But a lot has changed since them, and you will notice that this book even has a cover, thanks to the talents of Goose Lane’s Julie Scriver. (It is to our great joy that the cover image includes a baby with a soother. Soothers are sacred objects in our household. If we had a family coat of arms, a soother would be in it.) The essays themselves have been strengthened with the deft editorial hand of Bethany Gibson, which whom it has been a privilege and pleasure to work with. Publisher Susanne Alexander and everyone at Goose Lane (including the wonderful Colleen Kitts-Goguen) has made an enormous investment in this project, which I am so grateful for and amazed by. To think that just two years ago, this book was just an idea sparked by a discussion with my friend Amy Lavender Harris, and how far we’ve all come since then. An ARC of the book arrived in my mailbox at the end of November, and what solid proof of this book’s realness. Terrifying and oh, so exciting.
And of course, the best thing about my book being an anthology is that it’s not my book after all, but rather our book. I can tell you that this book is wonderful and important, and not be conceited, because I’m not talking about me, but us. Excellent essays by Heather Birrell, Julie Booker, Diana Fitzgerald Bryden, Myrl Coulter, Christa Couture, Nancy Jo Cullen, Marita Dachsel, Nicole Dixon, Ariel Gordon, Amy Lavender Harris, Fiona Tinwei Lam, Deanna McFadden, Maria Meindl, Saleema Nawaz, Susan Olding, Alison Pick, Heidi Reimer, Kerry Ryan, Carrie Snyder, Patricia Storms, Sarah Yi-Mei Tsiang, Priscila Uppal, Julia Zarankin and Michele Landsberg. And me. My essay is important because no wonder what tender thing each of the other writers is laying bare, she is not writing about the time she had an abortion, and so at least there is that.
As I wrote here recently, for it had just occurred to me, the literary non-fiction anthology is a revolutionary act. Though in my mind it has also had an element of ephemerality about it. It’s the literary equivalent of, “hey kids, let’s put on a show!” and it’s very much of its time instead of for all time. Except that maybe, perhaps, it’s more than that. Which I’ve been thinking about the last few days as I’ve been rereading Dropped Threads: What We Aren’t Told by Carol Shields and Marjorie Anderson. That book has come to serve as a reference point—it was so popular, a Carol Shields project, so ubiquitous—that I think some of us have forgotten what a powerful, incredible collection of essays it actually is. I think that so much about womanhood much be discovered over and over again, and that’s why these anthologies are important, these stories set down and together. Women making our own histories where there before has been centuries of silence.
This week I was thrilled and grateful to see The M Word included in the Quill & Quire 2014 Spring Preview. It’s nice to know there are other people looking forward to our book. And if you happen to fall in this company, I’d ask you to pre-order the book from your local bookstore. Perhaps also think of including it in your book club’s schedule this year? It’s an engaging book that will definitely incite discussion, one that will probably continue even after the wine is drunk.
