August 5, 2009
Family Fun
Harriet can’t wait to learn to read so that she can join in the family fun.
July 29, 2009
Two months
On Sunday we celebrated two months of Harriet being born, of me being a mom, and of ours being a family of three. And even a month ago, I could not have forecast how full and rich life would become again, so I’m so proud of how well we’re all doing. Of course, chaos reigns, but it’s at a level I can live with comfortably. One qualm being that I am not managing to read nearly as much as I’d like to be, and yet I keep buying books/requesting books at the library at much the same pace as ever, and it’s a little overwhelming. Unless board books count– my favourite is On The Day You Were Born by Debra Frasier. “On the day you were born/ gravity’s strong pull/ held you to the Earth/ with a promise that you/ would never float away…”
July 19, 2009
Something Amazing
Something amazing happened during these last couple of weeks, as our baby girl began a transformation from rage incarnate into an actual person. What is even more amazing, however, is the way in which her parents have actually begun to figure out how she works, what she needs, how to respond to her, and keep her happy for as long as possible (which is sometimes up to an hour or two). And watching her explore to the world now is absolutely one of the most fascinating experiences I’ve ever had, and I really can’t get enough of it. Baby can get enough of it, however, and at this moment, due to having been horribly overtired to the point of hysteria, Harriet is comfortably asleep in her swing. For now…
And so today is a good time for me to start reading The Scientist in the Crib (as recommended by Steph at Crooked House). I am looking forward to a book about babies that does not purport to be a “guide”, except perhaps one to understanding. And, of course, because man cannot subsist on non-fiction alone, I’m also reading my former classmate Lauren Kirshner‘s novel Where We Have to Go, which fits in well with all the rest if I regard it as a parenting anti-guide.
The best news is that I own a computer again, and so this week’s project is a little life here at Pickle Me This. Though I really can’t be held to anything these days at all.
July 13, 2009
Relearning
Harriet is seven weeks tomorrow, and some semblance of regular life has returned to us. We spent our weekend doing things we would have done without her– Saturday bbq at friends’ house, Sunday brunch and ice cream. All modified somewhat, of course, by her presence (i.e. brunch at mid-afternoon), but definitely doable, and it’s wonderful. It’s as though since she’s been born, I’ve had to relearn how to live in the world, because it’s so different now, but we’re really beginning to figure it out. Which is made very easy by Harriet’s firm understanding of nighttime. She gets up once to eat, but otherwise we keep very civilized hours, and are all the better for it. She’s a good baby, albeit a quite serious and/or grumpy one– we’ve seen a few smiles, but they’ve been all too fleeting. And she only ever laughs when she’s asleep, but really, I’ll take any laughs at all.
July 7, 2009
The Wedding
Harriet is in the midst of her six weeks’ growth spurt, which means that she’s permanently attached to me, who’s attached to the couch or bed most of the time, and so it goes. Luckily temporary. We’re actually doing very well here, enjoying support from lactation consultants in particular! And things are not as dire as my previous post suggested– that was early days, and week by week, life has been exponentially better. This weekend was a particularly large milestone, as we attended my best friend Jennie’s wedding. It was just a modest do, with a 500+ guest list. We’d been a wee bit terrified at the prospect with such a little baby, but baby behaved better than she ever had in her whole life (and since), spending most of the weekend eating, sleeping and being adorable. With her daddy’s support, I was able to pull off most of my bridesmaidly duties, and moreover had an enormous amount of fun. It was great to be away from home, to drive again, to stay in a hotel and feed baby in odd places– makes everything else seem so much more possible. And the wedding was really a spectacular event. As I’m between computers at the mo, I can’t upload my own photos, but I stole this one from my friend Britt’s Facebook– in spite of our outfits, we Bridesmaids did stand out a bit at this Sikh wedding, but really, check out the bride. She was so incredibly beautiful, gracious, and radiant, and she had her new husband absolutely belong together. I’m thrilled for them, and for me who got to be there.
New computer should arrive this week or next, and I expect regularish posting will resume then.
July 2, 2009
Full Disclosure
Baby is happy right now, because I’m rocking her Fisher Price recliner with my left foot. Hence the typing with two hands here, which is enormously liberating. I pray that Harriet does not get bored of rocking soon, and until she does, let me provide you with full disclosure here. Or at least, a modicum of disclosure, as this is not the sort of blog in which I bare my soul. Rather, this is the kind of blog in which I write about my life usually through a bookish/literary perspective, and I’ve been doing a bit of that regarding motherhood. That Laurie Colwin quote remains the truest thing I’ve ever read. I remain amazed that having read thousands of books, watched TV shows and movies throughout my lifetime, I’ve never once seen the actual experience of having a new baby presented (and I’ll be writing more about this later). Which was how I could have come into this so cluelessly, and why the reality was so overwhelming. Overwhelmingly awful. I will say that the first two weeks were the darkest I’ve ever known, and I feel like I’ve crawled out of the deepest crevice in the universe to get to where I am now. It gets better, I knew it would, but that didn’t mean very much at the time. And even now, when “better” on some days is still its very own kind of hell, and nothing is what I thought it would be, and I am working harder than I’ve ever worked in my whole life, and normalcy seems so irretrievably far away– at least I haven’t cried since yesterday. But before that, it had been over a week, and there are moments when I’m so perfectly all right, and proud of how far we’ve come, and delighting in this strange little girl who has come to live with us. I have learned, however, how much I need people, and that I am so lucky to be surrounded by people on all sides. Friends, family, and oh, husbands (and mine has saved me over and over and over again). I remain a very lucky woman, and the good days are being strung together closer and closer all the time. (Baby is done rocking. Good timing.)
June 30, 2009
Update
So, I’m not going to say I’ve mastered nursing, I’ve certainly learned plenty in the past five weeks, and it’s getting better all the time. I will lay claim, however, to having mastered reading while nursing. Which I don’t do all the time for fear of child neglect or that she’ll grow up to think her mother is a hard cover, but I am pleased to say that I’ve got a lot of reading done lately. I read Catherine O’Flynn’s What Was Lost in a hurry, and enjoyed it very much. I’m now absolutely obsessed with Lisa Moore’s February, which I think will win the Giller Prize this year, if anyone’s betting. And this morning I bought The Ten Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer, who I’ve never read but have heard great things about (including from Jessica Westhead). So the moral is that reading is possible in this new life, as are banana pancakes, park bench afternoons, Midsomer Murders, laughter and ease. I have avoided daytime television thus far, which I’m quite proud of. New pleasures are late evening walks, respect for quiet, baby bathtime, board books and almost-smiles. And that’s starting to make everything else worthwhile.
June 19, 2009
Flowers in the window
It was four years ago today that I married my husband and started out on this rather mad journey that has been us as a family. And now we are three! And however terrifying and awful the past month has been very very often, the moments of absolute delight have been sparkling and they’re really all that I’ll remember of it anyway. Stuart’s love and support has been unwavering, his patience infinite, and I couldn’t imagine what this all would have been like without him. He’s as good a daddy as he is a husband, which is certainly something. Harriet and I are a lucky pair, and we love him very much.
From the song we danced to at our wedding, which I heard for the very first time one sunny morning two days after we first met, when I just knew….:
There is no reason to feel bad,
But there are many seasons to feel glad, sad, mad.
It’s just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold,
But I am here to help you with the load.
Wow, look at you now, flowers in the window
It’s such a lovely day and I’m glad that you feel the same.
‘Cause to stand up, out in the crowd.
You are one in a million and I love you so,
lets watch the flowers grow.
