December 2, 2021

The People Who Can’t Understand, But They Do

The people I’m grateful for are the people who can’t understand, but they do.

“We share the similarities of our stories, lamenting the invisible pain of women, and I discover the physical side of abortions is the same whether they are unwanted or chosen.” —Joanne Gallant, A WOMB IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART

The people who could never imagine having an abortion themselves, who think they wouldn’t be able to live with themselves if they did. The people whose beloved babies were born at 26 weeks and had to fight for their lives. The people raised in religions where abortion is presented as anathema. People who can’t shake the ableism baked into arguments for reproductive rights. The people who gave birth to their first child at age 17, and it was the best thing that ever happened to them. The people who longed for babies they were never able to have. The people who’ve spent years pummelled by grief at babies lost before six weeks. The people who were themselves adopted and raised in happy families, and who are so glad they’re here.

And I’m not just talking about those people who might have experienced any one or more of these things, and had abortions also, because there are so many of these people. Each of us, of course, contains multitudes.

But no, the I mean the kind of person who would never celebrate abortion, for whom, perhaps, abortion makes their heart hurt.

And yet.

They know that every woman’s circumstance is different. They know they have no idea what it might be to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. They know that abortion, to so many of us, has nothing but life, our lives, the greatest liberation, to choose our own destinies. (As opposed to those destinies being decided by arbitrary laws, by strangers, or imperfect ideologues who’ve stacked a “supreme” court.)

They know that abortion happens, has always happened, and will continue to happen, even if it has to go on under the cover of darkness. And they know that if this is the case, people will die.

They know that abortions happen least often in places where abortion is most accessible, because in places where abortion is accessible, there also tends to be sexual education, contraception, and women are empowered to make healthy choices.

They know that in spite of our differences, there is still so much common ground, and it is on this common where these people come to support reproductive justice, however quietly.

So that other people can make a different choice.

And that is no small thing.