March 3, 2021
We Haven’t Been Going Nowhere.
We haven’t been going nowhere. You know that, right?
That while indeed it feels surreal to find ourselves in March again, seemingly right back where we started from, that is to forget or discount the cycles, seasons and emotional roller coasters we’ve travelled in the past year.
And I am NOT saying that there aren’t better ways to spend an annum, that whatever we’ve learned is worth what it has cost us, that there are lessons and takeaways we can tie up prettily with a bow.
THIS IS NOT A SILVER LINING.
But also none of us has been standing still, even those who’ve barely left the house or ventured down the block. Even when it’s seemed like life is on hold, every day has been bringing us closer to a time when it won’t be. We have found a way to render some good days out of these strange days, and to weather the bad ones. We have sat with hardship and uncertainty, anxiety and fears when it seemed like the world was ending—but it didn’t. We have born loss and kept going, and found ways to connect across distance, and we’ve grown things, and made things, and tried things and failed things, and while we might be gazing out at the same view tonight… we’ve all actually come very far.
Unimaginable things have occurred this year, but some of them have been so good that 2020 Me would be envious, switching places in an instant—we have vaccines, rapid tests, treatment options, new technologies. Virtual schooling kind of works. We know how disease is spread and I don’t have to worry much about cleaning my doorknobs or disinfecting my shoes. Plus Evermore and Folklore.
I know now more than I ever did before. I know that I am courageous and brave, that I can rise to the occasion and pick myself up again when I fail to, and that community doesn’t fail us, and other people will be what saves us, and that I really can get through this, and I know that you can too.
Even without the pandemic I wonder if this year will be bookended for me by thinking of it as “before surgery” and “after surgery”. The fact that surgery happened on March 13 makes it all that much more poignant (to me and only me) because that is when things really fell apart. And SO MUCH has happened during this year that may seem like nothing at all to other people but has meant so much to me – and not just the ability to walk unassisted again. And we were gifted with a mild winter here in Calgary which I think was the weather’s way of paying us a kindness and I’m not going to forget about that either.
Oh, the weather here too has been such a blessing. It’s like SOMETIMES the universe pulls punches.
I enjoy your commitment to the anti-silver lining stance. 😉 It’s true…none of us has been standing still. And one thing that’s amazed me are all the people who have landed new and better jobs, gotten married, had babies, written books, mastered new skills etc. etc.. In some ways these accomplishments feel so much bigger and better than they would in a non-pandemic year. Like giant middle fingers, you know? The middle ones are my favourite of all the fingers.
Well, I’m a silver lining seeker at heart…but I know it’s not everybody’s thing 😉
I needed to hear all of this. As usual you put your finger on the exact thing that helps.
I am glad. You often do the same for me. xo
Oh yes, this is one of the best things I’ve read about this blinking pandemic in so long. I so agree with you about how you sum this all up, about knowing more, being braver than we think, and more. Geez Kerry, this is so apropos, in the best of way. Thank you.
You’re welcome! I am glad it meant something to you.