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Pickle Me This

November 13, 2009

Horizontal Parenting

I am very excited about the Parenting Method I have devised, and subsequent book I am going to self-publish about my Parenting Method (via My method is called Horizontal Parenting, and I’ve been practicing it for about six months now. Its core tenets are the five Ls– 1) Lie down to breastfeed, 2) Lie down to soothe your crying babe by gently rocking your hips, 3) Lie down to have your baby sleep on your chest (contrary to everything the Back to Sleep people will tell you), 4) Lie down to play with your baby– a popular game is lying on one’s back and throwing a soft ball up to the ceiling again and again. The fun never stops. 5) Take time every day for yoga practice– but only the savasana pose. (This last tenet doesn’t start with L, but that’s because it’s the exception that proves the rule.)

The jury’s still out on the advantages of horizontal parenting on child development, but my child seems to be developing fairly normally (save for her new, disturbing penchant for pinching the fat on my upper arms). For me, however, the advantages are multifold– I never have a sore back, I get to sleep at night (albeit sometimes uncomfortably on my side), I get to lie on the couch and read or nap frequently throughout the day, and I get many opportunities to breathe in the sweet smell of my baby daughter’s head.

As soon as I figure out how to cook dinner from a hammock, then I will really claim to have it all figured out.

6 thoughts on “Horizontal Parenting”

  1. The Chapati Kid says:

    Another trick that works with the Shravasana is horizontal putting baby to sleep. My parents used to do this with my brother and me as we were just 11 months apart. They would lie in bed, or sit up reading, put a pillow horizontally on their feet, put us on their legs with our heads on the pillow and rock us to sleep.

  2. goldbry says:

    You're hilarious. I, too, have found that this method of parenting is far superior to all that laborious running around business. However, I must warn you that once *they* go vertical, all bets are off. Then you simply chase. And bend. And lift. And destroy your back.


  3. Kristin says:

    I am practicing this form of parenting with my 3 month old right now. Somewhat difficult to do while typing, but we're making it work. I found your site through babelbabe and I'm excited to read through the archives for some book recommendations. I am currently down to one unread book and nothing on my hold list at the library! Emergency!

  4. Melissa F says:

    I am a member of the school of "I-Don't-Care-What-the-Experts-Say-It-Works-for-Me-Parenting" and I endorse the "Horizontal Parenting" practice whole heartedly. We, of course, have graduated to all sleeping through the night; however, we have now embraced the delicate "Art of Duct Tape" for curbing the noise level in our home.

  5. Kerry says:

    *Vertical*!!?? What? I didn't sign up for that.

    And thank you all very much for your support/tips. I feel much less slovenly not being the only one.

  6. sam lamb says:

    at 5:24am, i could really use a little horizontal parenting right now.

    your method gets my vote!

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